Today…I feel inspired to write because I desire to vent.
We live in a frustrated world. The reasons for this are many, but one of which is lack of emotional control. Another is ill communication. Those are the two issues I will focus on today.
The secret to contentment lies in control over the emotions. This does not mean to stifle ones emotions. It’s actually quite to the contrary. But it is to consciously acknowledge your emotions, fully understand the emotion (and it’s true source) and reflect before you react. This is how people who have attained true balance & peace handle situations.
However, living in such a world of imbalance, many of us are not trained to handle our emotions in this manner. Rather we have been trained to lean to two of either extremes; hide our emotions entirely or hyper-emotionally overreact.
The issue with these two methods of dealing with emotions is that they bring more problems than resolve. Many conceal their emotions (most times poorly, at that) but at the same time expect the party they have been affected by to know how they are feeling. And more so, expect the party to be sensitive to their emotional state. Well this is certainly absurd. Most people will not know exactly what you are feeling unless you tell them. Holding it in is unhealthy and counterproductive because this negative emotion, gone unchecked, will only manifest again either at a later time, or in other ways.
The hyper-emotional response is no better. It is acting immediately on a myriad of emotions before even giving yourself a chance to process what you are actually feeling. During the hyper-emotional response a person likely acts immediately to show they have been affected by an action, however this is highly deceptive. The reason for this is because this heightened, rapid emotional response generally does not give a true read. Usually, in such cases, the emotional response is over-dramatized and may be a masking emotion to hide the true root emotion that this situation triggered a response to. Sometimes, during this type of response, the person becomes angry or sad (and acts on said emotion) before even giving themselves a moment to analyze if this moment is really worth that response. Many times these responses are a cry for attention to a certain underlying issue. However this is of no help, because this person still wants the other party to know exactly how they are feeling and be sensitive to that…even though they have not expressed (or even analyzed for themselves, sometimes) their true emotional state or the true reason for it.
So we can see that, though these are two very different methods for dealing with situations that garner an emotional response, they both have the same fatal flaw. Ill Communication. WE DO NOT COMMUNICATE!!! We assume, we hide, we do anything to run from our genuine emotions. Never truly dealing with them or allowing for resolve from any other involved parties. But you can’t hide forever. Not happily, anyway. Rather than letting the shit hit the fan, we can open up the tunnels of communication. Analyze how you truly feel & why before you react (this may take a few seconds, minutes, hours…the timing is totally up to you & how good you become at quickly analyzing the root of your emotions). Once you have done this, you can determine if the situation is needing of a response at all. Are you really angry with this situation or just having a bad day? Now once you have determined the true root of the emotional disturbance you can communicate that to the other involved party. True communication is a two way street. Meaning that when you are communicating your feelings, reasoning, and desires to another party you must also be an effective listener. They will have reasoning, feelings, and desires of their own that they want to be heard. These things need to be communicated and received from both (or all) parties. You don’t have to ultimately agree with the persons perspective but you do have to open your eyes & ears to really, truly gain insight on the other persons perspective to make a genuine analysis of the situation. At this point, a middle ground of peace can be attained.
Peace & patience opens up the ability to have this sort of natural, effective, flowing communication. That is why meditation is such a powerful tool. When you are centered and at peace within yourself, occurrences outside of yourself will not even get the same negative emotional rise out of you! But even when they do, you will be able to quickly process and analyze your emotions and it’s true root and effectively communicate that. Also, with this self provided peace, you will have to patience to listen and really absorb the perspective of any other involved party. And that is when true progress can begin.
PEACE to ALL